Please don't get offended if you have a pretty blog, pretty house, pretty things, etc. I don't mean to sound rude, I really don't. And I am happy you have those things,....lol.
Don't get me wrong, I love pretty blogs. You know, the ones that only take pictures of the good and beautiful. Sometimes I just get tired. Tired of everything being so damn pretty. Tired of all the pretty toys, the pretty handmade or antique furniture, the pretty landscapes, the pretty handmade clothes, pretty food, pretty supplies, pretty houses, pretty pictures...I guess I get tired of it because I don't have it. But I don't need it. I'm happy with what I have. I'm beyond happy just to be able to stay at home...even if we don't have our dream house.
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| Wow! It would be nice to have windows, walls, and floors like these! |
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| We get to look at this gorgeous wallpaper and window covering everyday! |
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| And how about these lovely peacocks! |
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| And what is this on our carpet? |
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I think its great to support handmade and to buy used. However, I can hardly afford handmade (such as seen on etsy) and I buy used a lot, but never antiques. I just don't have the money for that sort of lifestyle. As long as my kids are happy, I am happy. I think it would be nice to surround my kids with beautiful things all of the time, but I can't. I bought them 50 My Little Ponies for 10$ from Goodwill for Christmas. Now talk about ugly, but they think they're the most beautiful things in the world and they play with them nonstop. Watching them play, I feel these glittery rainbow colored ponies spark just as much imagination as a plain wooden one...and they cost me a lot less. I know you're thinking well why in the hell do they need 50 ponies, wouldn't 4 be enough? Or yeah, but they're poor quality and won't last as long. I didn't buy them new! I don't plan on them being family heirlooms. Besides, with 50 they can create entire villages, even worlds...ok I'm not going to defend my pony purchase here. As long as the house isn't covered in toys, they have a few things they really love (the ponies are one - or 50), it's all good with me.
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| Would LOVE to have these |
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| But this is what we have |
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| Would LOVE this doll |
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| But we have this one |
I make my kids' clothes but it would be an everyday battle to get them to wear what I make. Sometimes I get lucky and they wear something I made, but usually they just want to wear the clothes they've gotten from Goodwill, birthday parties, or as hand me downs. And really I don't care. Wear what you want little ones, wear what you want.
Another thing I can't afford are the high quality art supplies. I understand the argument for buying things of high quality and , believe me, I would if I could. However, I still feel they are getting the same experience as kids who have such things.
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| Would love to have these |
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| But we have this |
My husband makes $37,000 a year before taxes (I hope he's not reading this, I don't think he does) and he was making $27,000 just a few months ago. We don't have credit card debt or car notes, but we do have a mortgage. After that and other bills, we don't have much. I choose to spend most of our money on food. We try to buy local and organic, but that's hard sometimes too. I don't know. In an ideal world we would produce our own food, make our own toys, live in a beautifully renovated farmhouse, etc. However, we also need to learn to love what we have. I know I am very very fortunate to have what I do and so I just do the best I can and make the best decisions for my family based on our abilities. Almost everyone wants more than want they have. Many people want what I have and yet I look at other blogs and think wow it would be nice to live there or have that. Well too fn bad Megan! And really, you don't need it. Maybe I support Goodwill more than the local artisans, but at least I'm not supporting Toys R Us or Wal Mart...right? Whatever. This is my life and I'm happy with it. Although I'd rather live in a shitty ass trailer on a huge piece of land (my husband would not). Okay. The End.
Megan, I keep writing and re-writing this comment... trying to word it just so without sounding like an ass.
ReplyDeleteIt's not working well.
I guess what I want to say is that you and your children are beautiful and, from what I can tell, your home and heart are so full of love and an endless supply of pretty things too. I think you're absolutely right that that's what we all really need. It seems we create the most goodness in the world when in ourselves we just stop wanting and feel genuine contentment with what we already have.
We happen to live in an old pretty house for which I am continuously grateful but really it seems like the greatest beauty in our lives comes when we step outside to enjoy the gorgeous spectacle that the earth offers up every day for free.
Still, for all the pretty surrounding me, I live in a teeter totter state of craving and satisfaction too. Someone always has better and prettier. Sometimes that's just the way I like it and sometimes not. What a bizarre habit of our psyche. It's a ridiculous pattern of mind that I struggle with all the time.
Anyhow, I'm not sure what I'm trying to say. Maybe just thanks for speaking your mind and for sharing so honestly.
I'd rather live on a huge piece of land in a shitty ass trailer too. :)
it's okay if you sound like an ass. I wouldn't be offended :-) i knew when writing this post that id probably sound like an ass especially to all my waldorf inspired friends. i really like waldorf, and this post doesnt have to do with waldorf really. i guess sometimes i just feel bad that i cant give my kids those beautiful surroundings, and when people talk about the impact those beautiful surroundings have on kids i get kind of upset...because i want my kids to have that...
DeleteWe all sound like an ass now and then.
ReplyDeleteMegan, I'm right there with you! When Josh got laid off 2.5 years ago, we decided that he'd go back to school (he's got two Associate degrees but not a BA) while he was looking for work. Well, he has continued the job hunt, but so far hasn't had any luck, other than occasional odd jobs. Meanwhile, my income as a graduate student is pretty pitiful. If I include the value of my full scholarship, our income doesn't seem too terrible, but the actual paycheck I bring home for teaching puts our family's annual income right at poverty level. I know how hard it is to pay just for the absolute basics (mortgage, bills, food) on that kind of budget, and there's just no way that we could afford any extras if I insisted on the "nice" versions.
ReplyDeleteWe shop consignment shops, Goodwill, and yard sales, too. And since we don't have TV (because of the cost), the kids don't see commercials for the newest toys and have no idea what they're missing. I would love to buy fancy toys that could be saved as heirlooms, but for the moment, that's not an option. And the kids don't care! They're just as happy with their cheap or secondhand toys. And FYI, our art supply bin looks a lot like yours! Ha.
The upside of the situation is that our kids are able to have a stay-at-home parent! In a lot of ways, I think that living frugally and sacrificing a lot of the nicer things that could be had with two incomes is worth it for that reason alone. Especially during these early years. I've gotta admit, I'm jealous that you get to be a stay-at-home-mom! I'll be lucky if I get to take more than a week off when this new baby arrives in a couple of months.
Do I wish I could be the one who stays home? Definitely. But I know that I'm currently the one with the higher earning potential, and until Josh finishes school, I will be the breadwinner. We've talked about me leaving my graduate program for a while and getting a better-paying job until he finishes school, but we're surviving this way for now, so I'm trying to push through and finish now. In theory I should be wrapped up by next spring. The income difference for a biologist with a BS versus a MS is very significant, so I'm hoping that by the time the kids are old enough to want nicer things, we might be able to afford them. We'll see, haha.
Thank you so much for sharing this. Most of the blogs I follow appear to have a lot more "comfortable" lives in terms of income and possessions, but I can definitely relate better to you! Maybe one day we'll both be able to afford nicer things. In the meantime, enjoy what you do have, and know that you're not alone.
P.S. I'm with you 100% on the "I'd rather be in a trailer in the country" thing. If we could sell our house, I'd move into a trailer on Josh's mom's farm in a heartbeat!
I think this post is great, and I wish more people were less hung-up about wanting things all the time. The majority of bloggers however do seem to be happiest showing off how great everything is in their little world, and it does become a bit tiresome and nauseating after a while: either these people aren't real or they really aren't telling the truth! I'd way rather see someone being honest about their feelings and their lives than see a plastic (or rather rustic, over-priced) facade in place.
ReplyDeleteI feel incredibly lucky to live in our (rented) house, even if it's damn hard work to keep it warm (my nose is turning blue as I type!): we have space around us for the girls to play in and to grow veg & flowers in (when my pregnancy torpor wears off), but we don't have money to buy new things, like replacing our barely running car, which I rely on totally, or new clothes. We scavenge all our wood for heating the house from wherever we can and EVERYTHING we own is secondhand, either from charity shops (thrifted) or found through organisations like Freecycle. And even though I sometimes wish I could just go and buy a new outfit, (or get my hair cut!) or buy a new camera, I wouldn't actually change anything.
We live in an age where everyone (in the western world) believes they deserve to have the best/newest of everything, regardless of income, and that they need to present themselves as perfectly as possible in order to be accepted, either at work or within their own peer group. What they actually represent is a soulless, conformist entity based entirely on what the big moneymaking corporations want them to be.
People are scared to show themselves as they really are. That's sad. There's way more to life than having pretty clothes and the latest look. And kids don't give a damn what crayons they use: all they care is that they can use them!!! Your kids always look happy, well-fed and playful. Not stuck in starched outfits to make Mommy's blog look beautiful!
Thanks for giving me space to rant! And thank you for being honest - it really is the only way to be :) X
Oh, btw, glad you're back to being public again - the last time I commented I was refused access afterwards: I thought I'd offended you! :)
ReplyDeleteNo no! I went through a phase where I made my blog private and then public over and over. I wasn't sure I wanted to blog. It was just me when it was private. I didn't write anything.
Deleteoh you are a girl after my own heart. I was quite literally thinking the same thing the other day and I've had a good few rants with friends (including the lovely Chloe above!!) about the whole new "eco" toy and stuff movement...at the end of the day its stuff and its better to re-use something than buy a brand new shiney one, even if it is made ethically and beautifully. And I have to say that the few times Ive forked out for posh eco friendly toy stuff the kids couldnt care less, my girl loves my little ponies and her plastic toy lizards and my boy loves his spider man outfit!.
ReplyDeleteand its always worth remembering that no matter how badly we think we are doing, someone else wants what you have...
this post really did make me laugh though! Such refreshing honesty, I need to do a similar post! xxx
oh and i'd definately rather live in a shitty trailer on a big hunk of land! anyday! and hooray for carboot (yard) sales and (goodwill) charity shops!! x
ReplyDeleteoh i love this post! I am always wanting more land. The sad thing is my boys have picked up on thi,s and keep talking about one day we might have money for a farm. I wish i could give them the freedom i had of fields and space. but we have what we have and i should learn to be more content with that. many people i know do not have what i have. my friend with 2 children in a small London flat for example. my cousins who rents and has been told she has 3 months to find a new house. I am blessed. thank you for the reminder! xx
ReplyDeleteI think this is a great post. I struggle with similar things so often. I am always working on being content with what we have, and for the most part I am, but blogs can sometimes get me when I am down. Everyone's life always looks so perfect, but in the end, I do love my life, my family, and that is what is important. This really is such a well written post and speaks to me!
ReplyDelete-Amanda
www.beringseaadventures.blogspot.com
I love this post. I always enjoy your honesty
ReplyDeleteEven though at this point in life I have more money than I need and waste it on pretty 'eco friendly' things. (most of which I dont need and it would be more eco friendly not to have them!)
Honestly I would trade it all to get pregnant and have a healthy baby (im not sure if youve read on my blog before but weve been trying for a baby for 3 years) The reason I can buy nice things is because of my daycare but id give anything to have my own children and look after them instead (with less pretty stuff, in a shitty old trailor if need be:) The grass is always greener but I too try to be thankful for what I have (I dont mean material things, just that life is good)even though so many people have what I wish with all my heart I could have instead.
Also, I grew up with little and dont wish that Id had more. I played with plastic toys and cheap crayons. I had a wonderful childhood as your children are having.I think beautiful natural and waldorfy childrens things are just as much (probably more:) for the adults as the children. Oh and I think probably the most played with toy in my daycare are a set of made in china thomas the tank trains that I got given and didnt have the heart to get rid of. They would love my little ponies too (even though their all boys)
you know I think about people who cannot get pregnant or who keep having miscarriages all of the time. When my kids are driving me crazy. Or when I'm pregnant and miserable, fat, need a drink. I try to remember to be thankful and remind myself how lucky I am. I hope you have a baby, I really, really do. Your daycare is great by the way :-)
DeleteMegan, Thanks for keepin it real. I think I try too hard to be pretty on my blog sometimes, when the reality is we are living in a construction zone. We have some land and a big (too big really) house, but it is not even close to being finished. There is a pile of dirt from under the cement in the bathroom because my husband is trying to install a shower in the bathroom that was never finished. The entire upstairs doesn't have interior walls or electricity or plumbing. Our money (not that there's much) goes to decent food and land contract payments. If there's any more, it goes into the house. We shop thrift stores, and I've found that the girls don't give a crap if their toys are wooden and eco-friendly. I do think it's the adults who would often prefer it that way. Who's to say their imaginations are any less free and active with My Little Ponies than with Waldorf-approved toys? Available, loving parenting has a waaaaay larger impact on their happiness than which brand or style of toys they have, right?
ReplyDeleteI love you!!
ReplyDeleteI don't have the pretty house, the pretty clothes, perfect anything!!! I am lucky in that 90% of my furniture and nick-nacks are antiques that once belonged on my great-grandparents farm. So while my house is filled with antiques, I didn't pay for any of them. And I would much rather be surrounded by those items than by ones that are worthy of gracing the pages of a magazine.
We bought our house 11 years ago. A fixer-upper that's still waiting to be fixed!! I buy at yard sales and thrift stores. Money is REALLY tight, so I focus my spending on healthy foods, as-much-organic-as-I-can-afford. We have a garden in the summer, so that saves us a lot.
When I first started following blogs, they were the pretty ones with perfectly decorated spaces. It didn't take long before I started to taste the bile in my mouth while reading them. They're not real. And if they think that's what they need their life be like, how they want to represent themselves....that's not the type of blog I want to follow. I want my life to have a deeper meaning. Appearances like the "pretty" ones seem very shallow, to me.
xoxo
Hi. I noticed you as my newest blog follower, so I came to visit. I loved this post, and love what you're doing. I traveled this same road when my kids were still children. We made huge financial sacrifices in order for me to be at home for them and homeschool. Like you, we stayed out of debt, and simply did without what everyone else considered necessities. Now, my kids are grown and on their own. Both graduated college, one with a masters degree who loves her teaching position, the other with a wonderful wife and baby daughter. I can honestly say I never, ever, once regretted the decision we made.
ReplyDeleteWe still live on one small income, still make sacrifices, still live without. Yes, with the house needing repair and the land needing care, we often wish we made more, but there's no trade-off for contentment.
your blog has the most insane amount of useful information I have ever seen! So glad I found it :-)
DeleteI agree with you completely. We live in an 800 square foot house (with 4 people, 2 dogs and 3 cats). Our entire extended family thinks we are nuts, but I would rather live more meagerly in an area that we love and have less STUFF than for me to have to work full time or my husband take a second job so we could have a bigger house and more crap that we don't really need. Goodwill is definitely our friend!
ReplyDeleteAnd, I actually think those peacocks are sweet!
I hear you. I think about this too, since we live on a very busy very urban street, and when I step out my front door to take my kids to the park we have to step through broken glass and candy bar wrappers. Sigh. I like my neighborhood and my city, most of the time, but it's not always beautiful.
ReplyDeleteI think a lot of bloggers take the messy chaotic stuff out of the frame before they take the picture. We're all flawed :)
I love your ponies and crayon basket. Those other crayons won't look like that after they get into the hands of their artist!!
ReplyDeleteLove to hate the pretty!! :) Have fun with your family! It is way better than pretty things! (I know you know this, it is just fun to shout it out with you!)
Cheers!
Thank you for being REAL!!!!! Yay! (And yes, I am one of those bloggers who is guilty of cropping the photos so you can't see the crumbs on the table or the mess on the countertops!) This pressure to be perfect, do everything perfectly, and savor only the perfect moments is RIDICULOUS! No one is a perfect parent, our kids aren't perfect, and anyone who keeps their house perfect all the time has messed up priorities! Hooray for happy kids and REAL families!
ReplyDeleteI love this! And I love what you say in your profile - "quit your job. Make a home." I quit my job just before my baby was born, and haven't looked back :) It is so true that sacrifices, especially financial ones, come with the territory. I'm convinced, though, that all kids really want and need is a loving home, and you most certainly have given your family that. Well done, mama!
ReplyDelete-Jaime
Ah, love your honesty. It's true that even those of us who live in pretty houses still want a prettier house, a bigger garden, what is wrong with us humans????? I just relandscaped our weed infested garden last year to great expense and the mutherf*cking weeds are growing back!!!! Mother nature is stronger than us. I am in awe of her every day. That is real beauty!!! We all have something shitty in our landscape. Either it's physically there and plain to see in the form of house/ garden stuff that bugs us or looks ugly, or it's something in our emotional landscape that we have to deal with. In spite of my pretty house I have some horrid memories that colour my days, that I can never escape from. It's like the wallpaper from hell. So it's easy to think of the house as being all-important, but the emotional landscape in which we live is more important - if we can find healing there, the surface stuff such as our house takes secondary place. Have you ever read Apronstringz blog by Calamity Jane. She is pretty much my idol blogger. Always real, utterly frank, no gloss. And hilarious! Living on a small income and making peace with the stuff that isn't perfect. Go check her out :-)
ReplyDelete"...and when people talk about the impact those beautiful surroundings have on kids..." have you ever seen how beautiful is what you have outside the house? When I look at your photos or your kis living and playing in such beautiful, green and full of nature places, I think: "Oh, I wish, my boys could live and play there" (instead of big, crowdy city)
ReplyDeleteP.S. I like your blog and visit you sometimes
many greetings from Poland ;-)
magda(c)
Hi,
ReplyDeletei just found your blog and im really enjoying it, your kids are beautiful and i prefer blogs like yours to other 'pretty' ones, to me its more 'real'.
its not what stuff you have to give to your kids, its the love and time you give them that is the most important thing!
oh and we are one of those that live in a crappy old trailer lol and we are not broke we just love the simple lifestyle.
anyway keep what you are doing and dont let anyone discourage you!! :)